Friday, November 19, 2010

Where is my poop stored? And Other Awkward Questions

Anyone who's ever been remotely close to a 5 year old can tell you that they can come up with some really crazy stuff.  Kiley is no different.  Here is a small sampling of the latest interesting moments...

Q.  Mommy, I know that juice and water come out as tinkle and that is kept in my bladder, but is all food made into poop?  Where does my body keep poop? 
A.  Ask your dad (I could have added "Because he is full of it." but, I refrained.  It was difficult though.)

Q.  Do you have to live together when you are engaged?
A.  No, and you shouldn't, unless you really want to know what you are getting into before you get married.  Hmmmm....on second thought, yes, go ahead.  Try it out.  (Okay, so I didn't really say all of that, but I sure was thinking it!)

Q.  Do you have to have a ring to be engaged?
A.  Nope, but it doesn't hurt to have a really big rock on your finger to remind you why you love the person who gave it you.  (Okay, so that answer was embellished a little bit too.  What can I say?  I'm not genuinely funny like 5 year olds are.)

Q.  How do cats get married?
A.  They go to a church and a kitty priest marries them.

Q.  So then they can have babies?
A.  Yes.  But responsible mommy and daddy kitties get spayed and neutered so they don't contribute to the millions of stray kittens running around the world.

Q.  How do mommy cats have babies?
A.  Ask your dad. 

Okay, I think those are all the ones I can think of right now...but I do have a couple to tell on myself, just because they are funny.

I was talking to my dad the other day and I told him where the new house was.  Here is the conversation...

"So is that Calvary like the Crucifixion or cavalry like horses?" he asks.
"There's a difference?" Leah wonders out loud.  Dramatic pause where Leah remembers that she has an English degree and her dad, on the other end of the phone line, rolls his eyes and wonders if the money spent on Leah getting her English degree was worth it.
"Oh, right, right, the l is in a different place.  It is Calvary like Crucifixion." she says with more assurance than she actually has, probably trying to cover up the fact that she didn't know they were two different words and for the longest time wondered why they were spelled the same (even though now she knows they are not spelled the same) but meant completely unrelated things.  Whew!

Another funny word moment from Leah (someone probably needs to call the college she went to and make sure she did graduate.)

Greg went to a workshop the other day with an author who specializes in keeping kids interested in whatever teachers have to say.  He asked if I knew the author, and I said "The one who wrote Worksheets Don't Grow Dendroids?"  At this point Greg snorts and says "Dendrites, you mean?"  Yes, that is what I meant, although I guess I could have been referring to the Android version of Dendrites...Dendroids, you know? That is a dendrite on steroids.  Or a robot dendrite.  Or something...

Sigh....Hope will understand these missteps (especially because I am always asking her to proofread my stuff...she is the Grammar Goddess), and maybe my parents too, because I think I have a history of mixing up words...was it hupcake for cupcake?  And didn't I once say that I needed some gasoline on my tush (I think I meant vaseline).